Not Just an Empty Threat

A couple of months ago, Amy picked up a bad habit from one of her friends. She started chewing on her hair. For months I threatened, and threatened, and threatened some more. The more I threatened, the more I bluffed. I couldn't stand to see all that soft, pretty, curly hair go away. So, whenever Joseph would ask me when I was going to cut her hair, my answer was always something close to, "whenever I get a chance." Yeah, right. Like anyone in their right mind would ever cut gorgeous flowing locks like Amy's. (For those of you who are having a hard time remembering, please refer to: Top Ten Reasons Why it's Good to Have All Girls #6.) Well, last Sunday, Amy chewed on her hair nonstop. I got so fed up that I told her she was getting her hair cut in the morning. And voila...we have the new Amy!

And the flipside...

Bye bye beautiful locks. :( (Hopefully not forever though).

Oh, and after I was done cutting Amy's hair, I went to give Kala a trim while I was at it, and found her like this...

here's another angle...

and one more for good measure...

Sweet Memories

A Different Kind of Tag:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together (either with just me, just joseph, or the family). It doesn't matter if you knew us a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Thanks for playing along!

How to Replace an Alternator in a 2002 Kia Sedona

This is Joseph, and I'm hijacking the blog today to perform a public service. Usually when I do car work, I google for instructions and get complete details on how to do the work. This saves me from extra work, injury, and death. However, when the alternator went bad in the Kia, I could find no online help for a 2002 Kia Sedona. I have learned the hard way how to replace this alternator, and I'm passing this knowledge along to all.

And for all you female readers of this blog: I know this is not the type of post you are used to on this blog, but just think--you could have bragging rights with your husband (i.e. "I know how to replace an alternator in a 2002 Kia Sedona and you don't, so there!").

Step by step instructions:

1) Are you sure the alternator's bad!?!? Replacing an alternator in this vehicle is NOT an easy task and is not recommended for men with high blood pressure, or women who are pregnant, or may become pregnant. Side effects include nausea, insomnia, and very dirty fingernails. If you experience that it takes you longer than 4 hours to remove this alternator, call your mechanic immediately.

To make sure the alternator needs to be replaced, google "how to test an alternator" and invest in a good multimeter if you don't have one.


2) Remove battery terminal connections and wait at least 30 min for the airbags to be disabled.

3) Remove the air filter intake (large black plastic thing on top of the radiator that connects to the air filter housing).



4) Remove support beam above radiator (6 x 14mm screws and 4 x 12mm screws).



5) Remove radiator hoses connected to the pipe that runs along the front of the engine block. There are two, one on the left that connects to the radiator, and one on the right the connects to the thermostat housing on the side of the block).



This will cause antifreeze to spill all over your driveway. Ideally you should put something down to catch it, but if you didn't, this would be a great time for those disease-ridden stray cats to come around looking for a snack.



6) Now remove the pipe that these hoses were connected to (2 x 12mm screws). You will now get a visual of the alternator, which is a good thing considering you have to replace it.


7) Remove both fans attached to the radiator. This is the hard part. There at least 4 screws holding each one down, one on top, one on the bottom, and two on the side. The side screws are very difficult to get to. You will need one or more of the following to get them loose:

• Extremely small and agile fingers
• Psychokinetic abilities that allow you to move things with your mind that you cannot possibly reach with your hands
• The proper tool (flexible ratchet extension)

After you remove the fans, you will have created a path to move the alternator across the front of the engine block and out.

8) Loosen (or remove) the serpentine belt by loosening the manual adjustment pulley. This is the pulley with the 12mm nut on the side and underneath. If you do not know how to loosen a manual adjustment pulley, you are dumb. (google it if you need to know how to do it)

9) Remove the black support bar the connects the alternator to the engine block. (2 x 12mm screws)

At this point, your kids (who should be asleep by now) will be crying at you through their bedroom window because it's so unfair that they have to go to sleep while Daddy gets to play outside and have fun.

10) Ignore them. You have work to do. Remove the three bolts on the left side of the alternator. Two of them will not come all the way out because of lack of space, but they will come out far enough to remove the alternator.

You will now have to install a light because it has taken you longer to do this than you thought could ever be possible and it is 10:00 at night.

11) Disconnect the hot connection to the alternator (11mm bolt) and the wire harness for the voltage regulator and ground connections.

12) Remove the alternator.

13) Buy a new alternator. This will cost more than you will want to pay. Mortgage your house, sell one (or more) of your kidneys, or embezzle funds from work as necessary.

14) Attach the new alternator and put the car back together better than you found it.

15) When it comes time for you to put those stupid fans back in, do what you should have done before--get your wife who has small and agile hands to do it for you. 16) When you are completly done, sit back and admire your work:

You will probably have at least two screws left over:

They probably don't go on anything important. If you do not have any screws left over, then:

• You are an amazing mechanic and should probably do this for a living.
• You dropped most of the screws into the engine in tiny crevices where they will never be recovered.
• You're just reading this blog for fun and haven't actually replaced the alternator in your personal 2002 Kia Sedona.

17) Disinfect and bandage wounds.

18) Sleep for the 2 hours you have left before you have to wake up and go to work.

All done.

Top 10 Reasons Why it's Good to Have All Girls #3

#3: Creative Color Coordinating: Claire has found a new hobby...munching on markers. Claire is very sneaky in this endeavor. She takes markers from Amy when neither Amy nor mommy are looking. Then she hides. Claire likes to experiment with different colors (and her 5 senses). So, sometimes they mix. But Crayola has made things way more complicated. It's not just "green" anymore. It's "mountain meadow". And with all this creative color coordinating, we must match Claire's skin tone with "piggy pink", her eyes with "beaver", and her hair with "desert sand". (Shout out to Crayola for always making their products non-toxic!)